That's right! The conclusion to Freiza
Beans is done!!! Sound off the parades, history is being made!!!
*Fireworks shoot in the air and a band starts playing*
I know, I have a very big head. Anyway, here's my last story to Freiza Beans!
The Conclusion to Freiza Beans: ((Freiza Beans 5))
((By Steve Golebiewski- written 1/9/00))
Narrator from DBZ: Last time on Freiza Beans... Gohan gets kidnapped as a sacrifice to Goku's cult, Jeff and the camera-man need back up to catch Ecoostik, Piccolo works on his Soap Opera project, attempts to drive the cannibal demon out of Freiza are futile, and Trunks is about to give his big speech on the 'Jerry Springer Show'... and that's where we left off! So now, after four whole stories of this nonsense... we present to you... "THE CONCLUSION TO FREIZA BEANS!!!"
((Again, the really crappy guitar music starts playing, the title "THE CONCLUSION TO FREIZA BEANS" is displayed on the screen.))
Narrator from DBZ: ...So, I'm done... this is my last time doing this right? Good, so... can I have my kids back? Please? C'mon, I did your stupid job!!! ...What? You want me to dance?! But I... alright, alright! I'm dancin'! A jiggity-jiggity jiggy jig jiggity...
"Wait! Wait! We all know how this all started... and it's with Trunks eating my son!" yells ChiChi, pointing her finger at Trunks. Everyone cheers, then Trunks gets up and begins to speak for himself...
"Oh, I get it now! Everyone let's follow a person and join in the Nazi-scapegoat oppression! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!" speaks Trunks, walking around and looking at everyone in the audience. "You can't handle a problem on your own, so you look for the most easy, targetable person there is! I think we should all look back at a quote from the bible, 'Only he who is perfect may cast the first stone.'" finishes Trunks. The audience looks down in shame, then Trunks goes back to his seat. As he does, everyone gets up and starts throwing stones at him. Trunks shields himself and begins to walk for the exit. "That does it! If you people don't want me here, then I'll leave!" he yells and he storms for the exit. A security guard stops him.
"Hey, you signed the contract to be on this show, so you gotta stay!" he says. Trunks speaks to the guard calmly.
"Look, I know that, all I'm doing is going to get my breath mints from my car. After that, I'll come right back in," says Trunks. The security guard lets him go, then Trunks dashes out the door. "SUCKER!!!" he yells as he runs out of the studio. He quickly looks from side to side for a way to escape, and then notices a little boy on a tricycle. He shoves the kid off and hops on the tiny trike. "Ah ha ha ha ha!" laughs Trunks evily as he pedals away at about half a mile per hour.
"We lost him." says the security guard.
"Damn!" yells Jerry. Then he shrugs. "Ah well, at least we have another guest, or should I say 'guests'. Please welcome Goku, Goku, Goku, Goku, Goku, and Goku!" says Jerry. Goku, Nappa, Radditz, King Vegita, Bardock, and Broly all walk in and take seats. They're all dressed in their light-blue uniforms, Goku has his elaborate priest outfit on. "Um... welcome to the show guys."
"Yes, we bring gifts of our master. Goku, present the gifts to our friends!" says Goku. Nappa gets up and throws cans of 'Freiza Beans' into the crowd. "These are presents from the almighty Freiza Beans!"
"So in your little religion..." begins Jerry.
"UNIVERSAL! Our religion is the UNIVERSAL religion of all religions you blasphemus swine!" yells Radditz, getting up from his chair. Goku stops him.
"Be calm, my child... he shall convert... they shall ALL convert..." says Goku, his eyes glowing green.
"...Yeah, well anyway, in your religion everyone is named Goku?" asks Jerry.
"That is correct." says Goku.
"Dosen't that get confusing?"
"Not at all, watch... hey Goku!" calls Goku. Then Bardock gets up and bows.
"Yes, Goku?" asks Bardock.
"See?" says Goku.
"...Uh-huh. You also claim to follow the great Freiza Beans... tell me, who is the 'Great Freiza Bean'?" asks Jerry. All the Goku's gasp.
"Master, he does not yet know of the power of the great Freiza Beans!" whispers King Vegita to Goku.
"I know... there is a way to deal with non believers such as this one..." says Goku with an evil smile on his face. Jerry quivers a bit. Goku snaps his fingers. "Goku! Make this troubled one believe!" he says. Then Broly gets up and cracks his knuckles.
"GOKU MAKE JERRY BE ONE OF US!!!" babbles Broly stupidly. Jerry shudders and Broly picks him up by the shirt. He drags Jerry off into a back room area and locks the door.
"...Wha... what're you gonna do to him?" asks Bra, nervous.
"...Oh, you'll see..." says Goku, an evil smile still on his face.
In the back room Jerry and Broly are sitting across from each other in the small room.
"ME GOKU. GOKU MAKE YOU BELIEVE US NOW..." says Broly fiercely, cracking his knuckles. Jerry begins to sweat and shields himself as Broly raises his hand. Then Broly reaches under his seat and pulls out a bible and glasses. He puts the glasses on and begins to read in a sophisticated accent. "...You see, my good man, there is quite a lot of proof that our little religion does exsist. For example, if we turn to page forty-five for just a quick moment..." speaks Broly, reading to Jerry.
After about ten minutes, Broly and Jerry walk out.
"So, my son, do you believe us now?" asks Goku. Jerry's eyes wander, wanting to give an answer that won't make him listen to Broly anymore.
"...Um, yes..." says Jerry. All the Goku's start clapping.
"See? I told you I know how to deal with non-believers!" says Goku cheerfully.
"...Freak..." mutters Jerry under his breath.
((In New York city...))
Jeff, the cameraman, a bunch of cops, a bunch of helicopters, a bunch of squad cars, and a bunch of S.W.A.T. tanks are all gathered around a large building. Kami walks forward dressed in a cop uniform.
"Anything yet?" asks Kami.
"No, sir." replies Jeff. Kami shakes his head dissapointingly and reaches for a megaphone.
"Little boy! Please come to your senses and come down from there!" yells Kami up to the building.
"I AM NOT LITTLE NOR AM I A BOY!! I'm a grown Namek!" screams Ecoostik. Ecoostik is on a ledge of the building about twenty stories up. His back and hands are pressed against the wall to make sure he doesn't fall by accident.
"Look, I'm sure we can work something out! Just name your demands and we'll see what we can do!" yells Kami.
Just then a window opens beside Ecoostik. Krillan pops his head out and turns to Ecoostik.
"Huh? What're you doing up here?" asks Krillan.
"Huh? Oh, If my demands aren't met I'm going to jump!" says Ecoostik constantly looking down to see the drop he might have to make.
"Really? Is it going to work?" asks Krillan.
"Oh... it'll work!" says Ecoostik confidently to Krillan.
"Cool! Let me try it!" says Krillan, stepping out of his window and onto the ledge. Ecoostik gives a shocked look to Krillan.
"NO!!! Get back inside, you'll ruin my plan!" yells Ecoostik, still trying not to fall.
"Little boy? What are your demands?" asks Kami. Ecoostik looks back at Kami.
"Um, I want you to forget about all the crimes of cursing I've did!"
"...Is that all?"
"Hey! I want some... um.. what do you call that stuff that you spray all over your head and you grow hair?" asks Krillan.
"...You mean Rogaine?" asks Kami.
"Yeah, get me some Rogaine or I'll jump too!" he yells down. Ecoostik gives Krillan an angry look.
"No!!! You're ruining it!" he yells, hopping up down angered. His foot slips a little and he quickly presses himself back against the wall, very nervous.
Kami turns off the Megaphone and speaks to his fellow cop friends.
"Okay, guys, let's drop the charges and get some Rogaine." he says.
"What? Are you crazy? Not only did he practice cursing without a license, but he resisted arrest!" argues Jeff.
"Eh, little things." says Kami.
"Sure, you say that now, but what if we just let him go on that charge? Huh? Then they'll be more people wanting to practice curses without a license! It's chaos!" yells Jeff.
"I know, I know... but c'mon, Ecoostik's a good kid, he learned his lesson. Besides, it's not like he did anything serious like killing someone." says Kami. Just then, Krillan falls flat into the ground with a heavy thud. They all turn to Krillan, who is implanted in the ground, then up to Ecoostik. Ecoostik is sweating and has a nervous look on his face.
"...Oops..." squeaks Ecoostik. Kami's face turns angry.
"All right! That does it! All negotiations are off! Let's get up there and beat down his tiny ass!" yells Kami. Then all the cops run into the building and start climbing the stairs up to his floor. Ecoostik quickly looks around for a way out, but just as he's about to go through a window a cop blocks the way! Now a whole bunch of cops are surrounding Ecoostik and edge closer to him.
"Aww crap... I hope this works." wishes Ecoostik. He leaps off the building with his legs moving in a running motion. All the cops look down in horror as he falls. As Ecoostik hits the ground, he instantly starts running. Ecoostik opens his eyes and realizes his plan worked.
"Whoa!" he says to himself as he continues running.
"Man, he sure can run fast!" says Kami.
"Ugh, you have no idea..." says Jeff, rolling his eyes.
((Back at a broken down abandoned area...))
Burter walks through the door, wobbling a little and spinning in circles. He's holding a Dragon Ball under his arm and turns to all the hippies in the broken down area.
"I love you guys! I really, really love you guys!" says Burter in a wasted tone of voice. All the hippies walk out and wave to him.
"Blue dude! I have some information for you!" says a hippy. Burter gets closer to listen to him. "I had a vision last night! It told me that you should go to the 'Jerry Springer Show' to fulfill your destiny!" he says. Burter wobbles back and then points out ahead of him.
"To the 'Jerry Springer Show'!!!" says Burter. He skips along to get to the Springer show and then stops and looks to a pile of garbage cans. "Hey look! A talking cat!" he exclaims, staring at the cans. The hippies give him an odd look, then walk back inside to take more drags.
Burter skips along down a street with the Dragon Ball under his arm.
"I'm off to the Springer show, the Springer show, the Springer show!" sings Burter. Then he stops in front of a bar and looks at the sign that advertises drinks. "...Think I'll get me a little drinky-winky!" says Burter, walking into the bar.
He walks in, everyone sitting at the bar turns to him, then back at their drinks.
"I WANT THE DRAGON BALLS!!!" squeals Burter, still having no control over most of his actions. The bar tender gives him the shifty eyes.
"...Um, we don't have any Dragon Balls here." says the tender.
"...Okay, just gimmie something smooth." says Burter, sitting over at the bar. The tender gives him some beer, and Burter drinks it. "Hmm. this stuff ain't bad..." says Burter.
[10 drinks later...]
"You are... THE greatest dad a kid could ever have!" slurs Burter to a guy in a Yankees hat next to him. They both put an arm around eachother.
"Same to you, son!" babbles the guy, pretty much everyone being drunk off their asses. Just then a guy at the end of the bar speaks up with a beer in his hand.
"Hey, blue guy!!!" he yells out. "I just happen to have your Dragon Ball... right here!" the guy says, pulling out the ball from under his jacket trying to make it look like a magic trick. Everyone starts clapping and cheering. Burter wobbles over to him and hugs him.
"Aww! I love you guys!!" says Burter. He takes the Dragon Ball and heads out the door. With two Dragon Balls under his arms, he slowly hovers up but begins to flip around. Everyone walks out to look at him and the bartender speaks up.
"Hey, you don't look so good. Maybe you should get down." says the tender.
"Would you SHUT UP!!! I fly better when I've had a few..." slurs Burter, barely able to get the words out of his mouth. Then he flies off, everyone at the bar waves goodbye to him. As Burter flies, he flies way... WAY up in the sky in these weird circular motions. Then as he flies forward, he falls straight down.
((Meanwhile, at the 'Jerry Springer Show'...))
Jerry's walking around and talking to the audience.
"Guess what? We still have one more guest to bring out! Please welcome..." before Jerry can finish, Burter crashes through the ceiling and makes a loud thud as he hits the floor. Burter holds his head and groans.
"...Ugh, I'll never drink again in my life!" he says. Ginyuu gets up and notices the two Dragon Balls.
"Burter! You got two balls!" says Ginyuu.
"Duh, I'm a guy..." says Burter, turning to Ginyuu. He notices Ginyuu is in Lala's body, the turns away and holds his head. "...Oh damn... the drugs still didn't wear off!" he says, rubbing his temples.
"It's a long story, Burter... I got one. We just need to see how many Jeice got so we can make the wish." says Ginyuu.
"Well, what a surprise!" says Jerry. "Let's welcome Jeice!" says Jerry. Jeice walks through the guest entrance holding four Dragon Balls. Burter and Ginyuu's eyes widen.
"Jeice! Where'd you get all those?" ask Ginyuu. Jeice gives a confused look to the Lala-Ginyuu.
"It's a long story! Now tell us!" says Burter.
"Oh, well, I went to planet Namek and found all of these." says Jeice. Burter and Ginyuu raise an eyebrow.
"...You just FOUND them?" asks Ginyuu.
"...Well, not exactly... I sort of got help from the Nameks..." says Jeice.
The elder is very sweaty and lying on the ground, he's breathing very heavy. All the other Nameks are around him, fanning him.
"Elder! Elder speak to us!" says a Namek.
"I just gave birth to four baby boys..." pants the Elder. Another Namek looks to the Elder's side and finds a bunch of fertility drug containers.
((Back on 'Jerry Springer'...))
"Anyway, I think we got all seven!" says Jeice.
"Right!" says Burter
"Mwa ha ha! At last I can wish for immortality!" says Vegita, laughing an evil laugh.
"Oh, give it up!" says Jeice. Vegita sits down and looks to floor, sheepishly.
"Alright, set 'em up and we can finally wish for Freiza to be uncannibalized!" says Ginyuu. Burter puts all the Dragon Balls in a circle. Just then, Ecoostik runs in and locks the door behind him. Everyone turns and looks at him, Ecoostik's eyes shift left and right, looking at everyone.
"Hey! It's that little Namek that cursed me with the ideas for our religion!" says Goku cheerfully, pointing at Ecoostik. Ginyuu holds his chin and thinks for a moment.
"...Cursed you... I remember something about Freiza being cursed. Hey! You must've been the one who cursed Freiza with cannibalism!" shouts Ginyuu, pointing to Ecoostik as well. Everyone snarls at Ecoostik and slowly starts walking towards him.
"What? What are you talking about! It's for the good of the universe!" says Ecoostik, backing away.
"Good of the universe?! You turned Freiza into a cannibal, made him eat innocent men, made him make an addicting food, caused everyone pain, and made Goku start a cult!" yells ChiChi. Ecoostik makes a sorrowful face and looks down.
"Just look what you did my wife!!!" yells Vegita, pointing to Bulma. Bulma is still held by the leashes and is eating Freiza Beans from a dog-feeding bowl. Ecoostik gives glassy eyes to everyone.
"...I... I didn't mean all of this! I just wanted to make the world a better place!" says Ecoostik.
"Oh yeah... making fierce cannibals and intimidating cults, real great way to make the world better," says Android 18 sarcastically. Ecoostik stomps his foot and his face shows determination.
"That does it! I obviously made the world worse than I planned it. I guess I'm gonna have to fix it!" says Ecoostik. Everyone in the audience cheers for him. "But I need a boost of power... I can only do it with the power of the Dragon Balls!"
"Great! We set seven up over there." says Jeice, pointing to the seven balls at the end of the studio. Ecoostik walks over to them, just then all the Goku's stop him.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks King Vegita to Ecoostik.
"...I'm gonna wish for everything to go back to normal, like it should be!" says Ecoostik.
"...I'm afraid you can't do that..." says Goku. "If things go back to normal, I would lose faith in the beans. You must be sacrificed as well!" says Goku. His cult lunges for him, Ecoostik shields himself...
"MASENKO!!!" yells a voice from the back of the studio. Just then, a blue beam shoves the Goku cult all the way to the other end of the studio. Ecoostik looks to see who shot the beam, it's Gohan! Gohan is still only dressed in his boxers.
"What? It's the heretic! How did you escape the metal ring?" asks Goku.
"Dad, c'mon, you tied me up with silly string!" says Gohan. Gohan keeps the whole cult distracted by fighting with them.
"Gohan?" asks Ecoostik.
"I got them distracted, make the wish Ecoostik! GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants Gohan. Ecoostik smiles and nods, he jogs over to the Dragon Balls, everyone cheers him on. Just then, a savage Bulma pounces in his way, roaring and growling. Vegita and Bra hold down Bulma and drag her to the side.
"GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants Vegita and Bra. Ecoostik gets back to running for the Dragon Balls. As he gets a little closer, something grabs him by the ankle. It's Piccolo!
"You! You're perfect for my big marriage scene!" says Piccolo. Ecoostik tries to break free of his hold, but no use! Just then, the whole cast to Piccolo's soap opera pins him down.
"No! Don't sign any contracts! His soap opera sucks!" yells Chao-zu.
"It's not worth the fifty bucks!" says Cell.
"Or magic flying peanuts..." grumbles Yamcha.
"GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants the whole cast to Piccolo's soap opera. Ecoostik breaks free of Piccolo's hold and dashes over to the Dragon Balls.
He's right in front of them, he holds out his hands and calls for the dragon.
"I call upon the mighty dragon! Grant my wish!" commands Ecoostik. The sky turns black and lightning shoots everywhere. In a beam of light the eternal dragon, Sheng Long, arises. The entire roof of the 'Jerry Springer Show' is ripped off to give the dragon room.
"What is your wish?" asks Sheng Long in a strong voice. Ecoostik smiles warmly.
"At last, I'll end this madness..." says Ecoostik.
"NOT SO FAST!!!" yells someone above him. Before Ecoostik can notice who it is, the person stomps on him. He slowly opens his eyes to see who it is. It's Freiza!! He is very pudgey and his eyes are glowing a bright pink. "...I must remind everyone that I love being a cannibal... and no one is going to change that... NO ONE!!!" hisses Freiza. Ecoostik cowers and holds his head. "Now it's about time I had a little green snack!" says Freiza, reaching over for Ecoostik. Right as Freiza is about to grab him, something stops him. Freiza gives a puzzled look as his hand is frozen in place.
"My hand!... It won't move!!!" he exclaims. Just then, Freiza notices somthing... a hand! A ghostly transparent hand! The rest of the body is materialized into the ghost of Zarbon! "Zarbon?! What're you doing here???" asks Freiza, frightened.
"...You fool... you must pay for what you did. We are ALL here..." says Zarbon. Freiza turns around and notices the ghosts of Kui, Dodoria, and all the henchmen he ate. All the ghosts grab Freiza and hold him down.
"GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants all the ghosts holding down Freiza. Everyone begins to join in the prep chant. Gohan is holding back the cult, the cult is holding back Vegita and Bra, Vegita and Bra are holding back Bulma, Bulma is holding back the whole cast to Piccolo's soap opera, the cast is holding back Piccolo, Piccolo is holding back the ghosts of everyone Freiza ate, and Freiza is holding on to Ecoostik!!! There is big chain of everyone holding everybody back as Ecoostik tries desperately to make the wish.
"GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!! GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!! GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants the audience. The androids and Dr. Gero look at everyone strangely.
"...Who's still up for that fast food breakfast?" asks Gero. All the androids nod, and they all simply leave as the big event of holding everyone back and chanting occurs.
"Must... make... wish!!!" gasps Ecoostik, trying to break free of Freiza's hold.
"Hurry and make your wish!" demands Sheng Long. Freiza tugs tighter on Ecoostik and then clamps his jaws down on his foot! Ecoostik screams out in pain from the bite. "That is not a valid wish." says Sheng Long, responding to Ecoostik's scream. Freiza begins to swallow Ecoostik whole, Ecoostik fights desperately to get out of Freiza's mouth.
"My wish is... my wish is..." says Ecoostik, trying to make the wish while trying to get out of Freiza mouth at the same time. "...MY WISH IS TO MAKE EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL, BEFORE I CURSED FREIZA!!!" screams Ecoostik.
"...The wish is granted..." says Sheng Long, his eyes flaring red. The whole area shakes as if there is a huge earthquake going on. The studio rumbles and falls to the ground, then a blinding light is emitted in the area. Time stops...
The holding back stops...
The cheering stops...
The noises stop...
Motion itself stops...
The blinding light clears away. The sky is a beatiful blue and the birds are singing. Ecoostik slowly opens his eyes at the beautiful scenery. He turns to everyone. Freiza is no longer biting Ecoostik, Bulma is no longer a ravaging beast, Goku and the other saiyans are no longer dressed in the cult uniforms, all the ghosts of who Freiza ate are now alive again, and Ecoostik dosen't see a cop in sight...
"It... it worked... IT WORKED!!!" shouts Ecoostik, leaping about five feet in the air with a smile on his face. everyone rubs their head, coming back to their senses.
"Ugh... I had a horrible dream that I was bloated!" says Freiza.
"I had a horrible dream that I started a cult..." says Goku.
"I had a horrible dream that I was a teletubby!" says Ginyuu, now in his original body.
"Everyone! My wish worked! We're all back to normal!" says Ecoostik. Everyone let's out a big cheer for Ecoostik.
"C'mon, Freiza, let's go home." says Zarbon. Freiza, and all his henchmen fly off into space, back to their HQ.
"Man, I'm glad that's over," says Gohan. Everyone nods.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm heading home," says Bulma. They all nod again and begin to walk out. Then Vegita stops and thinks for a moment.
"...Where did Trunks go, anyway?" asks Vegita to himself.
((On a tropical island...))
"Where did Trunks go anyway?" asks Vegita to himself on a TV screen. Trunks is sitting down in a lounge chair with a tropical drink in one hand and a remote in the other. He chuckles as he watches the 'Jerry Springer Show' as Vegita asks the question.
"Heh heh, I'm too sexy AND too smart! I'm just TOO MUCH!" boasts Trunks. He sips his drink, then an island man walks over to him with a bill.
"Here is your bill of the cable, chair, and drink, sir." says the man.
"Uh... sure... just let me get the money from my car..." says Trunks, slowly getting out of his chair. Then he quickly dashes out of the area and looks for a way to escape. He notices a little kid riding on a small donkey. He shoves the kid off the donkey and hops on. "Giddyap!" yells Trunks, spanking the donkey. The donkey neighs and trots down the road. "I never keep my word for anything!! Bwa ha ha!!" laughs Trunks, riding off into the sunset...
How did you feel about this story? Good? Bad? Gay? Depressing? Well, e-mail your opinon at...
I'm bored now. Until I think of something else to write... peace out... and DON'T EAT PEOPLE!!!
'S' stands for sexy!
'T' stands for totalitarianism... look it up.
'E' stands for evil, meaning if I was an evil man I could KILL you I'm so sexy!
'V' stands for the viles of special serum I got for believing in man-eating pudding pies.
'E' stands for sexy! BOO-YA!!!