The Phantom of the Space Ship

by Saiyan Princess Psycho Pan

Cast:

Chibi Trunks- Christine

Vegeta- The Phantom

Goten- Raul

Kuririren- Meg

#18- Giry

Tien- Andre`

Chaozu- Firmin`

#17- Carlotta

Pan- Gohans Wife

Gohan- Pan’s Husband

Auctioneer- Tifa Lockheart

:: A large crowd is gathered in front of an old stage. Tifa Lockheart, as of FF7, walks up on the stage. A microphone is situated beside some old stuff.::

Tifa: Eww…

::She stand in front of the microphone.::

Tifa: Uh, two months ago, this old opera house- `La Saiyan` Ma’ `Bouque- was discovered under the remains of some old building…

::She glances at her script that she wrote on her hand.::

Tifa: …A la Pone Affilates… and here we have some old items that we are auctioning off.

Buu: (Out in the audience) Stop talking and start auctioning!

Tifa: Whatever. Here we have…

::She stops and stares at the item.::

Tifa: An old music box with a monkey on it…!?

::She rolls her eyes.::

Tifa: Well, the starting amount is ten bucks.

Kuririren: Fifteen!

Chaozu: FIFTY!!!

Tifa: Sir, please stay within the price range and-

Chaozu: FIFTY!!!!!

::Chaozu starts waving a bottle of beer in the air and pouring it on himself.::

Chaozu: FI------------FTY-----------------------!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tifa: Good God, sir!

::She throws the music box at him.::

Tifa: Hmph! Well, next, we have a chandelier that was in pieces, that was put together for us by Pan.

::The audience starts clapping, and a really old and sick looking Pan stands up and falls over trying to bow. Tifa glances at her script again.::

Tifa: … Which brings back memories of the famous Phantom of the Space Ship" incident…

::She turns on the chandelier. A really weird song starts up, and the scene changes to #17, the Chorus girls, Tien, and Chaozu all standing in a new looking Opera House. When the song ends, #17 starts singing in a weird soprano voice.::

#17: Think of meeeeeeeeeeee,

Think of me fooooooooondly when we’ve said goooooooodbye…

Kuririren: You’re horrible now, #17!

#18: Kuririren! Can you dance?

Kuririren: Uh, yeah.

::He starts waltzing around the stage with Piccolo. He throws Piccolo off to the side and runs back up to #18.::

#18: Uh, yeah…

Kuririren: Since #17 is so bad now, I bet Trunks could do it!

#17: Trunks…? A Chorus girl…?

#18: You’ve GOT to be kidding!

Kuririren: I’m not joking! He’s been getting lessons from some weird "Angel of Saiyans" or something like that. He’s pretty good now!

#17: Grrrrr…

#18: All right, lets hear `em sing.

::Dende and Freiza step aside as Trunks walks down to #17, #18, and Kuririren. As he walks past, #17 grabs his butt.::

Trunks: Hey! What was that for, you gay jerk?!

#18: Well, start singing!

Trunks: (sighs) Okay, fine…

Think of meeeeeeeeeeeee,

Think of me fooooooondly

When we’ve said goooooooodbye-

#18: Okay, you can be in the lead…

::She walks away shuddering. #17 walks off angrily, and Kuririren turns to Trunks.::

Kuririren: Wow, that was cool, dude!

::Trunks, Kuririren and all the other Chorus girls walk off-stage. Trunks goes into his dressing room, to switch into his dress for the performance later that night. He pulls on a frilly pink dress and sighs.::

Trunks: WHY do they give me a dress if they know I’m a GUY!?

::He pulls off his jacket, and the rest of his clothes. Just as he gets his dress on, he hears a knock at his door.::

Trunks: Oh great. THIS is gonna be embrrasing…

::He opens the door and sticks his head out. Tien is standing there.::

Trunks: What?

Tien: Are you ready? The performance starts in five minutes.

Trunks: Yeah, I’m ready…

Tien: Brush your hair!… It’s… messy…

Trunks: Whatever.

::He closes his door and walks over to his dresser. He pulls a brush out of a drawer and begins to brush his hair. He pulls out a bottle of gel, and rubs and handful of it in his hair. He piles it on his head neatly, and fixes his dress.::

Trunks: Oh God, this is embarrassing…

::He steps out, and realizes everyone else is wearing a tuxedo.::

Trunks: Good God!

Kuririren: Hey, Trunks… what the-

#17: You look great, Trunks!

::Goten, a young lawyer walks up to him thinking he’s a girl.::

Goten: Hey, my pretty.

Trunks: Uhh…

Goten: You look great.

Trunks: Oh my butt…

Goten: Really, you do!

Trunks: Uh, I’m a guy-

Goten: Don’t be so shy, precious!

Trunks: All right, stay away from me!

::Trunks runs off with Goten chasing after him.::

Goten: Where are you going, Princess?

Trunks: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Kuririren: Well that was weird…

Chaozu: (drunk) We’re… starting… ugh… now… kiddies… mghf ak hofto for thef…

Tien: Eh, we’re starting now. Trunks, get back here! Goten, stop chasing the poor girl!

Trunks: I’M A GUY!!!!!

::Trunks runs back to everyone, out of breath.::

Trunks: I… (pant) think I… (huff, wheeze) lost him….

Goten: Hey, hot momma!

Trunks: (slaps Goten) GET AWAY FROM ME YOU GAY FREAK!!!!!

::Goten draws back, looking worried.::

Goten: They always said I was a bit too crazy for sassy girls…

Tien: Get on stage, Trunks!

::Trunks runs on stage. The curtains open, and Trunks is red as he begins to sing.::

Trunks: Think of me-----------,

Think of me fo----------ndly

When we’ve said go----------------------od bye------------…

Baby: (starts crying)

Trunks: (mumbling) Whatever… #18 hired me for this job, so I’ve GOT to be good!

::The baby continues to cry.::

Trunks: We never said------------------- our love was evergree------------n,

Our as uncha----nging as the sea---,

But if you can still remember, spare a bean- thought- for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

::Audience is silent.::

Goten: (Now in his old box seat) Wow! She’s so good! I can’t believe it! She’s better than I thought! Bravo! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Trunks: Please promise me that sometimes,

You…

Will…

Think…

o-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------f me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::He walks offstage panting because of the long note. The audience claps absent- mindedly, and leaves for the intermission.::

Trunks: Oh GOD hat was embarrassing…

::He walks into his dressing room and hears a voice.::

Vegeta: Uh… bravi… bravi…. Bravisimmi?

Trunks: What the HFIL?

Vegeta: Don’t ask.

::Kuririren walks in. He has not heard the voice.::

Kuririren: Hey, sis!

Trunks: I’m a boy, amd I’m not related to you…

Kuririren: Whatever… eh, that was pretty good! Who taught you to sing so much better than #17?

Trunks: Well, my dad told me about this "Angel of Music" or something, and he’s been giving me free lessons in my sleep. It’s actually pretty cool, if you ask me. I mean, free music lessons! You can’t get any better than that!

Kuririren: You’re nuts!… Uh, you’re face is white…

Trunks: It scares me…

Kuririren: (holds Trunks’ hand) Don’t be scared.

Trunks: Woah, what are you trying to do?

Kuririren: Come on, let’s go talk to Goten!

Trunks: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Kuririren drags Trunks into the room behind the stage. Waiting for them is Tien, Chaozu, Goten, and #18.::

Trunks: What?

Goten: Hey, babe. That performance was great.

Trunks: I’m a GUY!

Goten: Ha! That’s pretty funny, chick!

::Trunks slaps Goten.::

#18: Well, it was. Poor #17, now she’s just a chorus girl.

Trunks: #17’s a guy, too…

Tien: Nonsense! Hey, I like your dress, Trunks!

Trunks: Shut up…

#18: That’s no way to treat these gentlemen!

Trunks: Oh gentlemen my BUTT!

#18: They’re the reason that you’re here performing for all the men that love you, and all the girls that want to be you!

Trunks: Once again… MY BUTT!

Goten: Speaking of butt, you’ve got a nice one-

Trunks: SHUT UP!!!

::Trunks storms off. When he walks back in his dressing room, he sees an image of Vegeta in the mirror. He screams.::

Trunks: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Vegeta: Whoops… uh, didn’t mean to scare you… all right, I’m your Angel of Music, come here so you can see me laboratory.

Trunks: God no!

::Vegeta reaches out and grabs Trunks’ arm.::

Trunks: OW! Hey, that hurts!

Vegeta: Come on! I’m your Angel! Come to me, Angel of Music!

::Vegeta pulls Trunks into the mirror and Trunks wakes up on a Capsule Corp. ship rowing across an underground lake.::

Trunks: God… where am I?

Vegeta: Sing once again with me…

Trunks: I’ve got a recipe for stoned soup… don’t make me use it…

Vegeta: Our strange duet…

:: Trunks stands up and kicks the mask off of Vegeta’s face.::

Trunks: Ah ha! You are… the Phantom of the Space Ship! I caught ya!

Vegeta: Night time sharpens, hightens each sensation…

::Trunks kicks Vegeta in the face.::

Vegeta: Oww! All right, that’s it! Prepare to die, brat!

<Dun dun…>

TO BE CONTINUED…