A DBZ Friday The 13th.
“Goku...do you know what today is?” ChiChi asked from the kitchen. Goku froze and looked at her. Uh oh...Is it her Birthday? Or maybe our anniversary? Valentines Day? Argh! Who made up all these days? How’s a guy supposed to remember all of them?! “Did you hear me?” ChiChi asked, turning back to Goku, who had stopped eating and looked like he was in deep thought. “Goku?” He suddenly came back to reality and looked at her again, smiling nervously. ChiChi looked at him oddly. “Uh, anyway, it’s Friday the 13th. We’re in for a lot of bad luck today.” Goku sighed in relief and relaxed as he started eating again. “That’s just a bunch of superstition. Nothing’s going to happen unless you make it happen.” She turned back to him; a stern expression set on her face. “Is that what you think? Don’t you remember what happened last year?” He thought for a moment. “Nope, can’t say that I do.” “Hmm, that’s what I thought. Last year, you were bitten by six dragons, forgot how to fly in mid air, accidentaly blasted yourself with a Kamehameha, got beaten up by a monkey at the zoo when you tried to steal his banana, flew into four windows once you remembered how to fly after a nasty fall, AND I ran out of food!” Goku looked at her. “What?? You ran out of food?! My God! How horrible...but don’t worry, none of that will happen again.” “How can you be so sure?” ChiChi asked. He sat back in his chair. “Because I just won’t leave the house today.” ChiChi grinned a little as she turned back into the kitchen. “Good, because I don’t want to end up with a dead Saiyajin on my hands by the end of the day.”
Suddenly, they heard a scream and loud thumping noises. They both ran over to the stairs and looked at Gohan, who was lying on the floor after a bad fall down the steps. “See?!” ChiChi said, pointing at her fallen son as he moaned and sat up. “It’s starting!” Goku rolled his eyes. “No it hasn’t! If he wouldn’t try walking down the stairs in your high-heeled shoes, this wouldn’t happen every morning!” Gohan looked up at his father, then back down at the high-heeled shoes he was wearing, chuckling nervously. “My my...how’d those get there?”
MEANWHILE AT CAPSULE CORP...
“Oh no!!!” Bulma screamed as she ran into the room Vegeta and Trunks were in. They both jumped and looked back at her from the couch they were sitting on. “What is it woman?!” Vegeta snapped. “It’s Friday the 13th!!!” “So?” “So horrible things happen on Friday the 13th!” Bulma cried, tugging at her hair. Vegeta rolled his eyes. “You’re crazy! Nothing bad has ever happened to me on Friday the 13th...except I did meet you on that day...What an awful day that was.” Bulma glared at him, then at Trunks, who was laughing. “Don’t worry, mom.” he said once he had stopped laughing. “Nothing bad ever happened to me on Friday the 13th.” She looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean? Back in your time, the androids killed almost everyone you knew on this day!” Trunks blinked. “Oh yeah...”
Suddenly, Vegeta start laughing evilly and Trunks looked back at the TV, only to find that he was pounding him in the boxing game they were playing. “Father! You’re cheating! I wasn’t ready!” “Too bad, brat!” Vegeta grinned as Trunks’ boxer hit the floor. He frantically pressed the X button in an attempt to get him to stand back up. “Get up you lousy good for nothing....” Vegeta laughed again. “He’s not getting up! He’s down for the count!” The bell rang and Vegeta was declared the winner. Trunks frowned. “I can’t believe this! I can understand if you beat me in battle, but video games?! That’s my specialty!!” Bulma tapped him on the shoulder. “I told you. It’s the curse of Friday the 13th.” Vegeta smirked. “Did it ever occur to you that the boy is just a loser?” “Yeah, that thought crossed my mind a few times...I was just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.” “Hey!” Trunks yelled, resetting the game. “Ok, you’re going down this time!” he shouted as he and Vegeta started another boxing match. Within sixty seconds, Trunks was down again. “DRAT!” he yelled in frustration. “Maybe if you wouldn’t block my punches with your face, you might win every now and then.” Vegeta taunted. “Ok! New game!” Trunks said as he jumped up and put in another game. “In this game, you wander around a maze until you find your opponent, then you try to blow their head off with a gun!” he explained, hitting the start button. BAM!!! Trunks’ characters fell to the ground, guts and blood all over the place. “Like that?” Vegeta grinned. Trunks’ eyes began to water and he bit his lip. “You could at least give me a chance!” he cried. “Fine. Look, I’m just standing there.” Trunks smiled and moved around the maze until his gun was only inches from Vegeta’s character’s head. He laughed evilly has he fired, completely missing. Vegeta smirked and raised his gun, blowing Trunks’ character’s head off again. “ARHHHHHHH!!!!!!” Trunks screamed.
BACK AT THE SON’S HOUSE...
ChiChi sat on the couch nervously. “Don’t worry ChiChi, nothing can happen if we just stay put.” Goku assured her. Gohan frowned. “What do you mean? I was nearly killed this morning!” Goku glared at him. “That was your own fault. And by the way, you tell NO ONE about your little obsession with woman’s shoes! GOT IT?!” He nodded. Everyone jumped when there was a knock at the door. “Oh no!! I just know its aliens from outer space that have come to kill you Goku!” ChiChi cried. He got up and looked out the window. Goku gasped and ducked out of view. “It’s worse!! It’s Jehovah Witnesses!!!” Everyone gasped and dove to the floor. “Quick!” ChiChi whispered. “Turn off all the lights!” They all snuck around, turning off each light and sat still, staying out of view. Goku frowned. “Geez, this is why I built the house out in the middle of nowhere! I didn’t think they’d be able to find us out here!” The Jehovah Witnesses kept knocking on the door and ringing the bell. “It’s the call of God!” one of them shouted. “Let the gospel fill your ears!” another called. “Make them go away!” Gohan cried, holding onto ChiChi’s arm in fear. “They’ll go away soon...just keep quiet.” she told him.
An hour later, they were still at the door, ringing the bell and shouting the word of God at them. “I’m going crazy!” Goku cried, crawling over to the phone. “Who’re you calling?” ChiChi asked. “Well I knew the Jehovah Witnesses would find us one day, so I prepared...” he said as he dialed a number. “Piccolo? Yeah, Hi. Listen, remember a long time ago when we were talking about God?” There was a pause as Piccolo replied on the other side. “Yeah, that’s right, it’s time. Hurry over as fast as possible.” He hung up the phone and waited. “He should be here soon...then we’ll all be saved.”
About five minutes later, Gohan and Goku felt Piccolo’s ki as he landed outside. He approached the Jehovah Witnesses, wearing fake horns on his head. “Who are you?” one woman asked. “I’m the devil!” Piccolo shouted. They were silent for a minute. “But I thought the devil was red....not green.” He thought for a minute. “Have you ever seen the devil in person?” he finally asked. The three women shook their heads no. “Then how would you know what he....I mean, I really look like?! Now get out of here! You anger me!” Piccolo shouted as he raised his arms in the air, chasing the women around the front lawn as they called out for Gods help. Suddenly, a bolt of lightening came out of nowhere and hit Piccolo. He stopped and coughed out a puff of smoke as the women cheered happily and threw holy water on him. Piccolo cried out and hissed as the water burned into his skin, running back toward the house and pounding on the door. Goku jumped up and opened the door to let him in, slamming it shut as the three women attempted to get in as well.
“Piccolo! Are you alright?” Gohan cried. “Of course...I have seen the light...” Piccolo said, suddenly beginning to glow in an aurora of white light. “Oh no!! It’s the holy water! It’s changing him!” Goku cried in horror. “Piccolo! Snap out of it!” Piccolo walked over to Goku. “No, my son.” he said, putting his hands on his shoulders. “You must stop all this fighting. The good Lord will do all the fighting for you. Cleanse your soul.” Piccolo suddenly embraced Goku in a bear hug. “Praise the Lord!!” he cried. Goku struggled to break his grasp. “Someone blast him!! Change him back!” Gohan fired up and Kamehameha and hit Piccolo in the back with it, hurling both him and Goku into the wall. “Ow...” Goku mumbled. Piccolo sat up. “Don’t worry my son. The good Lord will heal you.” “We’re losing him!” ChiChi cried. Goku jumped up and ran to the TV, turning on the Jerry Springer Show. “If this doesn’t change him back, I don’t know what will.” Everyone dragged Piccolo to the TV and forced him to watch as hookers and lesbians fought with each other while cursing as their pimps cheered from the sidelines. He was almost immediately transformed back into his normal state. “What the hell is this crap?!” he shouted. “He’s back!” Goku said happily. “Praise the Jerry Springer Show and other trashy staged TV episodes!” ChiChi cried, throwing her hands up in the air.
Piccolo looked around. “What the hell happened? And why am I wearing these horns?!” he shouted, throwing the fake horns to the ground. “You tried scaring the Jehovah Witnesses off, but they threw holy water on you and you started talking like them!” Gohan explained. “But then we made you watch the Jerry Springer Show and you came back to us!” Piccolo frowned. “That’s the last time I try to help you, Goku! I could have been converted!” Goku hung his head in shame. “I know. I’m sorry...I didn’t know how powerful they really were...But trust me! If I had known, I would have sent the boy instead!” “Hey!!” Gohan cried. Suddenly, the Jehovah Witnesses began ramming into the door. “The word of God shall be spread far and wide!” they shouted. “We’re Jewish!!!” Goku screamed. The ramming of the door ceased. “I think it worked...” ChiChi smiled hopefully. Their hopes were dashed when the women stuck their heads in the window, drooling. “You shall see the light!!” they hissed. Everyone screamed in horror.
BACK AT CAPSULE CORP.
“That’s it! I don’t want to play anymore!” Trunks yelled, throwing down his controller. Vegeta looked over at him from the table where he was eating. “You’re still playing?” Trunks blinked. “If you’re over there...then who have I been losing to?” Bulma laughed. “Man! You’re lame Trunks! You lost to an opponent that was just standing there!” Trunks glared at her and sat down at the table, mumbling about the curse of Friday The 13th. “I’m challenging you to another match tomorrow when this curse is over!” he told Vegeta. “No way. I’m officially retiring from video games.” Trunks gasped. “You can’t do that!” Vegeta glared at him. “I can do whatever I want! I’m the Prince of all Saiyajins and all that good stuff!” Trunks muttered angrily to himself as he chewed on a piece of toast. “I’ll play.” Bulma said. “Not a chance! It’d be completely embarrassing to loose to you!” “Oh, and loosing to someone who wasn’t even playing ISN’T embarrassing?!” “WhatEVER!” he shouted angrily.
They all sat there in silence as they finished eating breakfast. “So what are you two doing today?” Bulma asked as she cleared the table. “Nothing.” Trunks mumbled. “Well at least get dressed!” Vegeta snapped. “You look like something Kakarotto dragged in!” Trunks frowned and looked at the boxers and T-shirt he was wearing. “I’ll get dressed when I’m good and ready!” he said, folding his arms as he sat back in his chair. Vegeta smirked. “Fine.” Trunks looked at his father, wondering why he’d backed down so quickly, then followed his gaze to the window. A bunch of teenage girls where staring in the window, pointing and laughing at him. “Oh for the love of God!” he cried. (Back at Goku’s house, the Jehovah Witnesses sneeze.) “Why didn’t you tell me?!” he yelled, jumping up from the table and running into his room to change. “And take a shower!” Bulma called after him. “You stink after all that losing you did!” Vegeta smirked as Trunks yelled something back.
Twenty minutes later, Trunks ran back out, dressed in his normal cloths, except for a hat he was wearing. “It’s worse than I imagined...” he whispered. “I’m having a bad hair day!” “What? That’s impossible! You inherited my hair genes...” Bulma said, attempting to take off the hat. Trunks hissed at her and pulled away. “No! Don’t!” Vegeta rolled his eyes. “It can’t be that bad! Take off the blasted hat!” Trunks ran around the house, shutting all the window blinds before turning back to his parents, and slowly removing the hat. Vegeta’s eyes widened as he jumped back, falling out of the chair he’d been in, on the verge of a heart attack. Bulma stared in awe and horror at her son’s hair, which looked like a huge afro puff. “Hey...that looks like the hairstyle I used to have.” Trunks burst out into tears. “I’ve tried everything! Nothing will work!” Vegeta, who was just now recovering, pulled himself back to his feet slowly, stumbled over to a recliner, and sat down, gasping for air. He slowly looked over at Trunks again, a smile forming onto his face. “It’s not funny, Father!” Trunks yelled. Vegeta couldn’t help himself anymore as he began to chuckle, and soon burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Trunks put his hat back on as he watched Vegeta rolling back and forth on the chair he was in as he laughed, holding his sides painfully. Pretty soon, Bulma couldn’t help herself either and began going into hysterical laughter as well. “I hate you both!” Trunks yelled as he ran into his room and slammed the door.
The Jehovah Witnesses suddenly threw a Bible through a window, shattering it. “Oh no! They’ve got weapons!” Goku cried as the Bible landed in front of him, picking it up and throwing it back out the window. Everyone desperately threw every incoming Bible back outside, but they were coming in faster than they could throw them back out. The Jehovah Witnesses laughed happily as they climbed into the window and entered the house. “Hey!” Gohan yelled. “I thought you guys weren’t able to enter a house without being invited!” They glared over at him. “That’s vampires! You’re evil and must be converted.” ChiChi grabbed Gohan and hissed at the women. “You leave me baby alone!” The women stared at her, then charged, Bibles in hand. “Run for it!” Piccolo cried. Everyone bolted, scattering throughout the house and hiding in various locations. Goku and ChiChi ran into their room and dove under the bed, keeping quiet. “Goku...” Goku looked over at ChiChi, who was smiling. “Not now ChiChi!” he said, moving away from her a bit. She frowned but wasn’t able to say anything before a couple of Jehovah Witnesses ran into the room. They watched their feet quietly. “There’s much evil in this room!” one of them said. “Yes...let us sprinkle holy water everywhere before it’s too late!” Goku slapped his hand over ChiChi’s mouth as she attempted to yell for them to stop.
Soon, the room was completely soaked in holy water and was starting to flood. “Did you hear that?” a woman asked. Everyone listened. Gohan and Piccolo were both screaming, obviously having been found by the third Jehovah Witness. “We need to make a break for it before we drown.” ChiChi whispered, barely able to keep her head above the quickly rising holy water. Goku nodded and they both bolted out from under the bed, running past the two women quickly. “There they are! Get them!”
Goku and ChiChi ran outside where they found Gohan and Piccolo hiding in the woods. “I have an idea.” Goku said. “I think if we play dead, the Jehovah Witnesses will leave us alone.” “Where’d you hear that?” Gohan asked. “I read it out of one of your wide life books.” Everyone nodded and fell to the ground, playing dead as the three women approached them. They hovered around the seemly dead sinners, barking to each other as they evaluated the situation. After a few more minutes, they turned and ran off howling into the woods.
ChiChi, Goku, Piccolo and Gohan all sat up and cheered as they returned to the house. “I’m outta here. Strange things happen whenever I’m around you people...” Piccolo said as he took to the sky. “Bye Piccolo!” Gohan called, waving to him. Goku slapped his hand. “Stop that waving! You look like a sissy!” “I am a sissy!! Uh...I mean...HEY!!” ChiChi opened the door and screamed as holy water flowed from the house, sweeping them all miles away.
BACK AT CAPSULE CORP.
Trunks finally emerged from his room after an hour, his hair looking back to normal. Vegeta and Bulma stopped laughing and looked back at him. “Hey! What happened to your afro puff?” Bulma asked. “I used Father’s hairspray...that stuff works wonders.” “You did what?!” Vegeta shouted. “I told you NEVER to use that!” Trunks frowned. “Why not? What’s the harm??” Suddenly, he began to feel very dizzy and lightheaded. Trunks stumbled to the side and slammed into the wall, laughing as he did so. “What’s happening to him?” Bulma asked, looking at Vegeta. He looked from side to side. “Uh...” She glared at him and put her hands on her hips. “Is there some sort of drug in that spray?!” Bulma demanded as she watched Trunks skip around the room, singing the Barney song. “Of course! How else do you expect me to put up with you?” Bulma screamed out angrily and dove for Vegeta. He quickly jumped to the side and ran around Capsule Corp as she chased close behind. “It’ll wear off!!” Vegeta cried as he flew outside. “Come back here!” she yelled as she jumped into a plane and took off after him.
Vegeta darted back and forth in unsuccessful attempts to lose Bulma. He finally reached the outside of the city and flew into the woods where the thought Bulma wouldn’t follow him. But to his surprise, she did follow him, knocking down trees as her plane charged after him. I’m gonna die!!! Vegeta thought to himself as he cleared the woods and spotted Goku’s house, charging down to the house and flying in, slamming the door behind him. He looked around at the soaked house. “What happened here?!” he said in surprise. Vegeta searched the entire house, only to find out that no one was there. Suddenly, some water splashed onto his face, burning his skin. “Ahhh!! Holy water!!” he cried. Bulma burst in the door, screaming bloody murder about how she was going to kill him. Vegeta looked around frantically, spotting a Bible on the counter and picking it up with a shaky hand just as Bulma burst into the room. “Stay back!” he shouted, holding the Bible up. “Or I’ll read the whole blasted thing out loud!!” Bulma gasped and took a step back. “You wouldn’t!” He smiled. “Oh yes I would!!” She dropped to her knees, water splashing everywhere. “No don’t!! I’ll be bored to death!!” (Man....I am SO going to hell....) Vegeta lowered the book. “Promise not to kill me?” Bulma nodded, tears streaming down her face.
“What’s going on?” Gohan asked from the door. He, ChiChi and Goku stood there, completely soaked and bleeding from the holy water that had swept them away. Goku looked over at Vegeta, who was still holding the Bible. “They’ve gotten to him too!!” he cried, pointing a shaky finger. “The TV was flooded out!! We can’t change him back!” ChiChi gasped. Vegeta frowned and threw the book down. “Nothing’s gotten to me!” Everyone sighed in relief. Suddenly, Trunks stumbled in, now singing a Teletubby song. Vegeta looked at Bulma. “How does he know all these songs?” Bulma thought about it. “Well...at least we know he’s not watching porno when he won’t let us come in his room...” Trunks flew over to Vegeta and latched onto him, hugging him tightly. “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family! With a smile and a kiss and a hug from me to you! Won’t you say you love me to?” “Get him off!!! GET HIM OFF!!!” Vegeta cried as Trunks attempted to kiss him. Goku grabbed the Bible and hit Trunks over the head with it. He fell back as the book bounced off Trunks’ head; his hair was rock solid from all the drugged spray he’d used. Vegeta continued struggling to get away from Trunks, who only tightened his hug on him as he did so. “Love me!” Trunks cried. “Someone shoot him!!” “But what if we hit you?” Gohan asked. “I don’t care!!! Just shoot him!” Vegeta pleaded. “No! Don’t!” Bulma shouted, stepping in front of Trunks. “It’s Vegeta’s fault Trunks is like this in the first place. You can’t hit him!” ChiChi ran over and pulled Bulma out of the way. “Now!” Both Goku and Gohan blasted Trunks in the back, causing him to black out and fall face down into the holy water. Vegeta sighed in relief. Bulma yelled angrily at everyone and turned Trunks onto his back to keep him from drowning in the two inches of water that was on the floor.
They all sat there for a long time before Trunks finally woke up, back to normal. “Oww...my head...” he moaned as he sat up. “What happened?” Vegeta glared at him. “You used my forbidden hair spray, that’s what, you little punk!” Trunks’ lip began to quiver and he burst out crying. Bulma hugged him in an attempt to comfort him. “He must be going into the low after the high.” Goku tsked. “And how would you know about that?!” ChiChi asked suspiciously. He looked over at her. “Uh...I uh...It’s common knowledge.” ChiChi glared at him, but accepted the answer. “What time is it?” Gohan asked, looking around. Bulma looked at her watch. “It’s six o’clock.” “Oh good. The day is almost over.” he said. “This day wasn’t all that bad...” Vegeta said. “I don’t know what the big deal is.” “Have you not seen my house?!” ChiChi said, looking around at her flooded home. “I meant for me. I could care less to what happened to anyone else.” “What about my trying to kill you?” Bulma demanded. Vegeta rolled his eyes. “You do that all the time, it’s nothing new!” She thought for a minute. “You know what? Now that I think about it...nothing bad happened to me either...”
Suddenly, a huge part of the ceiling gave way, falling onto Bulma. “Argh!” Vegeta pointed and laughed at her. Everyone gasped as a huge dragon ran in and bit Vegeta on the arm. Goku pointed and laughed at him. “I know what that feels like!” The dragon turned and bit Goku as well before flying out. “Ah!” The TV flickered back to life in the corner, showing the news broadcast. “That’s right folks.” said the newsman. “Capsule Corp has burned down into rubble by an unknown cause.” “Oh no!!” Bulma cried. “My mother and father were in there!!” “HA!” Vegeta grinned. “Finally a stroke of good luck!” The newsman continued. “Oh! This just in... Mr. and Mrs. Briefs have been saved unharmed.” Vegeta snapped his fingers angrily as Bulma smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. ChiChi got up and ran from the room, returning with all of Gohan’s schoolbooks. “Look! Your schoolbooks were the only thing that didn’t get wet!” she said happily as she handed them to him. “Now get to work!” Gohan moaned as he opened the first book. Trunks gasped as his hair suddenly poofed out again into an afro. Vegeta and Bulma pointed and laughed at him as he buried his face in his hands. Goku got up. “Man! I gotta get out of here before something else happens!” He turned and flew out the door, soaring high into the sky. Everyone sat there a moment, jumping up and running outside as they heard Goku screaming. He hit the ground hard just as they got out of the house. ChiChi walked up to him and kneeled down. “Did you forget to fly again?” Goku was silent for a minute. “Yes....” he finally muttered. “Mom!!” Gohan called from the house. ChiChi turned around. “What? Why aren’t you working?!” “My books fell apart!” ChiChi dropped to her knees and screamed in complete horror.
By 11:59 pm, everyone was miserable and exhausted as they sat in a puddle of holy water. “One minute till this wretched day is over...” Goku muttered, thinking about the window he’d flown into earlier. Everyone nodded and watched the clock in anticipation. “Do you hear that?” Bulma asked. In the distance the sound of a motor of some sort could be heard, getting louder and louder. Suddenly, a man in a hockey mask burst through the door, waving a chainsaw around. Everyone screamed and ran from the house as the man chased them into the night. (By the way, I don’t know what a masked man with a chainsaw has to do with anything, but I didn’t know how to end this story....SO THERE!)