By Joseph A.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all
ages! Gather round, cause Joes rambling
again. But about what?, some of you might ask. Well,
this is an all-purpose, general, all topic editorial
and update on my views on the battle against the hated
To start, I have a simple statement. My views have
changed. Now, before the dubbies let loose with their
cries or traitor and Judas, and before the subbies declare
victory at another slain opponent, I will explain. I
have dropped all the gray areas of my beliefs and made
them very black-and-white. I have decided that, yes,
indeed, FUNimation is bad in some areas. For instance,
the pathetic and fruitless attempts at humor. FUNimation,
I am sorry, but 10 year old jokes and puns that are
so weak and awful they can scarcely be called puns just
dont cut it. And yes, they need to stop it with
the attempts at coolness. The narrator saying stuff
like, "Krillin in da house!" is not something
I will not allow myself to be subjected to. On the list
of Top Ten Thing I Hate Most in Anime, its number
three, right after Number One, Relena Peacecraft of
Gundam Wing, and Number Two, Dorothy Catalonia of Gundam
Wing. They have committed numerous other offenses in
the category of awful attempts at coolness, e.g. "Mondo
cool," or "Dirty dog," ad infinitum,
ad nauseum. Nuff said.
By now, Im sure youre thinking that this
is an anti-FUNimation editorial. WRONG! I said that
FUNimation was bad in some ways, not in all. I still
support their censorship of violence and language. And,
reading dome of the other anti-FUNi rants, I support
it to and even greater extent. Some have said, more
or less, in similar terms, that FUNimation is raping
our beloved anime right in front of our very eyes. Come
now, people! I knew that you subbies were incredibly
stupid, and the dubbies that have said it shame me,
but this is ridiculous. Let us momentarily toy with
the idea that FUNimation actually let all the violence
and language in the original Japanese version slide.
Well, one of two things would happen to the so-called
raped anime that we all know and love. One, the network
censors would smack down the show right where it stood,
and many of you reading this and the person who is writing
it would never have heard of Dragonball Z. Then several
of you wouldnt have "graduated" from
the dubbed version and gone on to complain and rant
about FUNimations incompetence. Two, the network
censors would have taken up the hatchets, axes, saws,
and knives that you people accuse FUNimation of taking
up so zealously and done a far worse job of hacking
DBZ to pieces. I am not saying I am glad for FUNimations
editing; some of it makes no sense. Still, things are
far better than they certainly could be. So, apply the
½ brain cell that you people demonstrate to be
your maximum thinking capacity and contemplate, oops,
thats to big of a word, I mean think about that.
Now, however much I do or dont support FUNimation
and their sharp implements of destruction, I am becoming
increasingly disenchanted with DBZ. Maybe its
because the once blinding shine that DBZ once held is
becoming dimmer in the face of newer and superior anime
(Gundam Wing, Tenchi Muyo!, etc
), or maybe its
because Im just becoming bored with it. I dont
know what it is, but I am becoming disenchanted with
it nonetheless. Now, subbies, this doesnt mean
that this is the last youve heard of me, Ill
post other editorials on other topics (if Ms. Meri would
be so kind as to grant me that courtesy).
Anyway, speaking of disenchantment, whos seen
the new Sailor Moon episodes? I have, and people, I
am not amused. I liked Serena as a ditz the way she
was in the old episodes. She sounds excessively ditzy
in the new ones.
Getting back to DBZ, the subbie responses to my editorial
have been interestingly varied as far as intelligence
and content go. Some try to insult me for my swearing
(and to those who have called me on it, note the lack
of swearing in this editorial), others try to just plain
insult me. At any rate, nobodys moved me. And
as far as intelligence goes, the responses have ranged
from incredibly, dumbfoundingly, stupefyingly, dumb
to amazingly intelligent. By the way, to the moron who
sent me the email that read simply, "What is your
standpoint on subbies?", well, that took me 15
minutes to get over. Now come on here. I give and I
give and I give, trying to get you people to understand,
and still, you dont listen. Most do, bot not this
particular character. If you dont know what my
standpoint on subbies is, you need to be locked up or
something. Those of you who at least appear to be lucid,
I think Ive rambled enough for one editorial.
I will leave you with this. Subbies, whether its
anime or something else, bad stuff happens to the things
you like. Take it as it comes, and deal with the injustices
that come your way. Because if you get this worked up
this much over a simple TV show, you wont last
a second in real life. My final advice comes to you
in the form of a song by The Offspring. Good people,
they are. Smart, too. It applies to almost anything
in life. Hey, one more thing. If someone could be so
kind as to give me Greg Werners (the owner and
operator of The Ultimate DBZ Information Page) email
address, Id be grateful. Later.
Until you offend me again,
Ladies and gentlemen,
Welcome to the Disclaimer!
Thats right, the disclaimer!
This American, apple pie institution
Known as parental discretion
Will cleanse any sense of sarcasm or innuendo
From the lyrics which might actually make you think!
And will also insult your intelligence at the same
So protect your families!
This album contains explicit depictions of things which
These real things are commonly known as life!
So, if it sounds sarcastic,
Dont take it seriously!
If it sounds dangerous,
Do not try this at home or at all!
And if it offends you,
Just dont listen to it!