Don't Believe The Hype
First off, thanks to everyone who wrote me about my
article concerning the DBZ Cult. Although I dont
think its my best work, everybody else seemed to like
it. I just wish I had made it a little bit longer.
I decided to write this article because a website (PlanetNamek.com)
made comments that got Ms. Meri thinking. Now, I know
Ms. Meri is a big girl and can handle herself, but that
doesnt mean I cant write editorials about
it. Besides, what kind of boot-licking toady would I
be if I didnt?
The comment said that Season 4 wasnt good. As
many of you know, this is often referred to as the Trunks
Episodes. So in response, I decided to rip-apart
the thing that they hold most dear. The Subtitled DBZ.
Hold your hats Cultists, because this will be a doozy.
Note- Ill only be doing the first episode because
its late at night and Im really tired.
Alright, we begin things by watching the opening sequence,
also known as, Head Cha La. Now, why is
this song so awesome? Trick question. IT ISNT!
This is horseshit at its finest. Rock the Dragon
was fucking GRAMMY MATERIAL compared to this shit. We
get lyrics that I havent heard since my friends
started tripping on acid. Have you listened to this
crap?! If in the melting ice I find a dinosaur,
I'll teach him to ride a ball! What the fuck is
this?! THIS is music? Cmon, I could pick out a
Beatles song that would sound so much better than this.
This is Exhibit A in the prosecution of how television
lowers your IQ.
Now, we go to the title card. At Last, A Direct
Confrontation! Captain Ginyu Takes The Field!.
Wow, thanks for taking two sentences to tell me that
Captain Ginyu is about to fight, because obviously Im
a moron and you have to tell me nice and slow.
Now the show begins. Burter and Jeice are getting the
shit kicked out of them by Goku. Nothing new to see
here, move along. Of course, what episode would be complete
without the DBZ SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT~!? Burter feels
the need to tell us several times that Gokus speed
will run out eventually and cause him to screw up. Wow,
this is fucking amazing.
Goku fucks up Burter some more and ends up knocking
him out of the fight. Now here is where the Japanese
version is wrong. Jeice starts bitching about how they
will all die against this guy, blah blah blah. Any villian
worth his salt would say, This isnt the
end! or Youve won this round!
or He who fights and runs away, lives to fight
another day!. Proof that the subbed sucks. Then
Vegeta does the most AWESOME bad guy trick- Kills the
people that the good guy saved. Beautiful.
So at exactly what point am I supposed to realize that
the subbed is 50 million times better than the dubbed,
causing religious conversion, an end to poverty, and
So Jeice goes and fetches Captain Ginyu, bringing him
to the field. Blah, blah, blah...more talking. It all
adds up to saying that Goku can raise his power level,
Ginyu is one bad motherfucker and Jeice is a fucking
moron. Wow, the hits just keep coming. Vegeta then does
another AWESOME bad guy trick- Ditching the good guy!
Incredible! The show ends with Ginyu charging Goku,
while screaming, Your guard is down!
Ladies and gentlemen, dont believe the hype.
The subbed DBZ will not get you any higher, nor will
it make your Marlboros taste any better.
So, DBZ Cult, anytime you feel like ripping apart the
dubbed, there will always be someone here to rip apart
everything you hold dear.
Dont be afraid to say you are scared. Theres
no shame in it.
The Super Texa-Jin,
Jonathan Underfaker Lindsey