The Underfaker Reviews- Captain Ginyu Assault,
So far, responses have been really good about my review
of the subbed DBZ. However, I feel that in exchange
for a subbed, I should do a dubbed. So here we go! And
by the way, no, I am not the same Jon from
Alright, name of this episode is called Ginyu
Assault. Not too flashy...certainly not as long
winded as At Last A Direct Confrontation! Captain
Ginyu Takes The Field!, but for some reason, the
2 sentence DBZ intros are really funny to me.
This episode starts off different from the others,
because of the way the Japanese and English episodes
line-up. So we start off with one of my favorite scenes
in DBZ- Goku vs. Jeice vs. Burter in a 3-Way Match!
And yes, that is a wrestling reference, not a porno
reference. We dont start doing those until the
Trunks DVDs. Anyhow, I love this scene because Burter
and Jeice try to attack Goku, but they cant touch
him. Plain awesome. Jeice decides to open his big mouth
and ask Goku when hell decide to get off his ass
and start fighting. Jeice then gets a huge punch to
the nose. I laughed my ass off at this scene. Jeice
and Burter then attack Goku, but Goku doesnt feel
like dicking around here, so he just slides into his
best Jet-Li impersonation and beats the fuck out of
both guys. But wait! Hark! What could it be?! Why yes,
ladies and gentlemen, its time once again for... THE
DBZ SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT~!
In case youve forgotten, here is the explanation.
In DBZ, sometimes Akira didnt think we got the
point of something. Such as, proving how evil Frieza
is by killing a few Namekian children. So, the fact
that Frieza is evil, is pounded into our heads. A well
known fact is that DBZ doesnt do subtle. DBZ wouldnt
know subtle, if a man was running through downtown Japan
with a flamethrower, wearing a Mr. Subtle
shirt while screaming, MY NAME IS MR. SUBTLE AND
IM NOT BEING VERY SUBLTE RIGHT NOW! Hence,
leading to THE DBZ SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT~! The characters
~! are put in, to indicate sarcasm, much
in the way that the huge sweat dot appears on anime
characters. Youll understand more as we move along.
Anyway, todays sledgehammer of plot is how there
is no way that Goku can be winning, because after all
he is a Saiyan and only has a powerlevel of 5,000! After
that, we get the gratuitous super long Japanese attack
name, called The Purple Spiral Flash Attack.
Of course, this is about as effective as wet toilet
paper to Goku.
Now we come to, The Phrase. The phrase that had every
damn person with a modem screaming foul!.
I can only mean....The Phrase.
Burter- How did you get so fast?!
Goku- Maybe its my diet. I eat really wholesome foods!
People that actually had a modicum of brain matter
called this the stupidest thing they ever heard. Of
course, Im not exactly the sharpest knife in the
drawer myself, so I like it. To me, this sounds like
the most incredible piece of smart ass attitude
that you can find. But let us not dwell on that. More
fighting and the such... until we get to my other favorite
scene in the movie. Well, not really a scene, more like
a sound effect. Its when Goku decides hes tired
of fucking around with these two morons and basically
knocks Burter into oblivion. The sound Im talking
about is when Goku flies after Jeice and sounds like
a damn jet plane about to crash. Really cool.
Its at this point that Id like to talk about
the voices in the new DBZ. I couldnt
give a flying fuck about Krillins voice, because
he is a worthless pile of shit to me. Vegetas
new voice forced me into laughter on the simple premise
that he sounds just like Ren from The Ren &
Stimpy Show. You can find an even bigger example
of that during the time that Trunks first appears, when
Vegeta calls Bulma an eediot!. Speaking
of Bulma, like, does she sound, like, one of the, you
know, GAP girls? Sheee-yah, right! With an annoying
voice like that, I do hereby give Vegeta a lot of damn
credit, for being man enough to have sex with a woman
with a body to die for and a voice that sounds like
a seagull getting run over. Multiple times. Now, dont
get me wrong, I give all the credit to the people that
do the voices for the show. This was their first time
doing this and Im sure there was a lot of accidents
that happened. I can gladly say that Bulmas voice
and body got better over time. And if you think Im
a sad person because I oogle anime women, youd
be completely right. Gokus voice sounds okay by
me, like many other voices in the show. Except for Ox
King. Before, he just looked like an idiot and now he
has the voice to match. Anybody remember the old Heathecliff
cartoon? Ox King sounds like Mungo from that show. Gohans
voice still bothers me, because he sounds like a little
bitch all the time. And THIS is the person that is supposed
to be the strongest person in the universe? HA! Interesting
story- I once heard a conspiracy theory that Gohan never
became more powerful than Goku because when Gohan became
the Number One Guy on the show, nobody liked
him, so Goku was brought back. Something to think about
on a hot summer night. Speaking of hot summer nights...
Frieza sounds like someone with a throat problem. If
you want to hear something funny, listen to Friezas
laugh when he is killing Nail, in the Japanese version.
Ho, ho, ho! I havent heard someone
giggle with that much girlish glee since an All Girls
Catholic School came by my mechanics shop. Did I just
make that up? Yes I did. It shouldnt really surprise
you, since we have already established the fact that
I am a sad person. Anyhow, back to the program!
We already know my thoughts on when Vegeta kills Burter
and Jeice, but the sheer insanity of it goes up ten
more notches, due to the fact that this is Ren, not
The rest of the show is not really worth mentioning,
except for the ending. Goku starts asking Vegeta for
help, so Vegeta goes from Evil Ren to... THE EVIL CAR
SALESMAN FROM HELL~! His voice goes to such sleaziness
in a matter of seconds that I was tempted to say, out
loud, that I was merely looking around.
Then Vegeta flies away screaming, Have fun, Kakarot!
while doing the most insane laugh this side of Brian
Drummond. In fact, I think they DID use Brians
voice for that laugh. The show ends when Goku calls
Vegeta You dirty dog! while Ginyu charges,
screaming You Sucker! Hahahaha!
I have to say, that is a pretty interesting ending.
I think it goes very well, Vegeta flying off with Ginyu
calling Goku A Sucker. It plays on the theory
of Is Vegeta With Us or Against Us? Did
Ginyu call Goku a sucker because he knew Vegeta would
fly off or because Vegeta and Ginyu had been working
together? Interesting theories, to say the least. And
thus ends this episode review.
I think Ill close this all out with something
I need to get off my chest. All the time, I hear people
say They are on another Earth/outer space, how
would they know about that?!, most noticeably
in reference to Piccolo asking Nappa if he knew about
the story of David & Goliath. I find it amusing
that these people do not question the fact that everyone
knows the same language (in space and on Earth). What
are the chances that Saiyans, Nameks and Friezas
gang all know English (or Japanese)? Granted, Namekians
do have their own language, but they also know a language
from a planet they have never heard of before? Or the
fact that their names are puns on things that you find
ON EARTH?! This is just another case of people nit-picking
to try and find something wrong with the series. These
are the same people that think that they see the word
SEX on The Lion King or that
the front cover image from The Little Mermaid
has pictures of huge penises. However, I do love 2 of
Disneys Bloopers. One is that during Aladdin,
Aladdin says a phrase, that when sped up, sounds like
A good teenagers take off their clothes.
The second, is during the Daffy and Donald piano scene,
Donald says something that sounds like he is calling
Daffy the N-Word. Interesting, to say the
Tune in next time, when I will present both episodes
from Captain Ginyu- Assault for YOU, the
loyal reader! Until then...
The Super Texa-Jin,Jonathan Underfaker