Once upon a time... By Underfaker
Christmas! Truly, the most enjoyable season of the year! Christmas lights, trees,
stockings and the most important thing of all- PRESENTS! However, there was one man on the
planet that didnt like Christmas. His name was Vegeta. Mind you, Vegeta did not hate
Christmas. Oh no, nothing of the sort. Just more...indifferent. Where he came from, they
did not have Christmas. So all the joy of the season was lost upon him. He knew not of
what it was, nor what is was intended for. His knowledge of it was very little. What he
did know, was that the holiday was based upon the giving and receiving of presents and
gifts. This made it seem very materialistic and that slightly angered Vegeta. Angered him
to the point that he refused to participate in the holiday festivities. His family, would
not stand for this. So, one foggy Christmas Eve, Bulma, delivered him an ultimatum.
Bulma- Vegeta, you will get off your lazy ass and go buy your son a Christmas present!
Vegeta- I will do no such thing! I refuse to participate in such a stupid holiday!
Bulma- Vegeta, I swear to heaven, if you do not do this, you will be CUT OFF!
Now, Vegeta is a mighty warrior. Perhaps the strongest in the universe, whatever your
opinion might be. However, even Saiyans have needs that can only be fulfilled by a woman.
And so, Vegeta, got up and put on his winter coat. He walked slowly to the door, as if
this was his funeral march. However, Vegeta is still a warrior and made a last-ditch
effort to get out of his errand.
Vegeta- But I dont even know what the boy wants!
Bulma- Vegeta... it doesnt matter what you get him. Just as long as it is a present
that comes from the heart.
Vegeta then walked out the door. It was a cold night, with not a single cloud in the sky.
The snow was falling gently, but at a steady pace. Steady enough to create a
fog that was fairly thick. Vegeta walked to the store, trying to think of
something to get his son. As a boy, Vegeta never really received presents from his own
father. Of course, being the Prince of Planet Vegeta, he had riches and baubles that could
not be found anywhere else. But a gift from the heart? This was foreign territory to
Vegeta, so he decided to ask the only man on the planet that could identify with small
children, mainly because he had the same intellect as them. He had to call on Kakarot.
Vegeta found the nearest possible phone and called the idiot. However, an answering
machine answered the phone. It was a short message, saying that Kakarot and his family had
gone on a Christmas vacation to a warmer climate. Vegeta cursed the fool and released his
anger by destroying the phone. Feeling a bit more satisfied, Vegeta then found his way to
the nearest department store, where he found the biggest surprise of his life.
PEOPLE! Hundreds upon millions of people littered the store, doing what Bulma liked to
call, The Christmas Eve Rush. Damn that woman! She must have plotted
this so that I would have to witness this madness! But Vegeta steeled himself.
I am the Prince of Saiyans! I am a Super Saiyan! I can handle this! Vegeta
walked through the store, exulting pride and confidence. He was no longer Vegeta the
husband, oh no! He was Vegeta the Prince! His air was of supreme dignity and pride. He
walked through the store with a purpose- To find a present for his son. Vegeta found his
way to the toy section, intending upon finding the perfect gift. Vegeta was faced with
walls and walls of toys, games, dolls and other assorted...stuff. Vegeta looked at
everything and began to wonder what to get his own son. A stray thought entered
Vegetas mind- What would Kakarot buy? This gave Vegetas passion a fierce fire!
Vegeta would buy a present that would outdo, nay, DWARF any present that Kakarot could
manage! Vegeta would buy his son the most expensive toy in the entire store! Vegeta knew
not what this toy could be, but he would soon find out. His keen Saiyan eyes found a
pitiful looking stock boy. Vegeta walked over to the sickly-looking youth and spoke.
Vegeta- You! Tell me, what is the most expensive and most wanted toy in this entire
godforsaken store?
Boy- Dude, are you nuts? Unless you have been living underneath a rock, you should know
what it is.
Vegeta was angry now. He grabbed the youth by his scrawny neck and hoisted him a few
inches off the ground.
Vegeta- Fool! I am Vegeta! Now unless you tell me what I want to know, I shall send your
pathetic form away from me and into an extremely sturdy wall!
Boy- Okay, okay! You will want to buy the SpaceStation2! Its the most sought after video
game system on the planet!
Vegeta- You have been extremely helpful.
Vegeta dropped the boy and walked to his ultimate goal. The SpaceStation2 was the ultimate
gaming system, according to the boy. Ha! Let Kakarot try to beat that one!
However, there seemed to be a human wall blocking Vegetas path. Dozens of parents,
geeky teenagers and worthless adults were attempting to purchase this elusive
Holy Grail. A few well-timed zanzokens later, and Vegeta was ahead of the mob. There, upon
the shelf, lay the great system. Luckily, there was still one system left on the shelf.
Vegeta laughed a mighty Saiyan laugh and grabbed the system! Oh yes! This is indeed
the Holy Grail! I can feel its immense power radiating from it! The boy may not receive
this gift! Perhaps... this system will grant me the strength to finally destroy
Kakarot! Vegeta released another great laugh at his find. This is more
powerful than any form of Super Saiyan! This system will change me! No longer will I be
Vegeta, Prince of Saiyans! I will become VEGETA THE GOD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Vegeta was infected with an unknown disease at the time, but would later be identified as
SSX2 Disease, causing the holder of the system to gain delusions of grandeur.
Now as you and I both know, this is not the spirit of Christmas. So, Fate decided to enter
the picture and show Vegeta the true meaning of Christmas.
Vegeta walked happily to the counter, prepared to make his fateful purchase. The checker
told Vegeta, 350 dollars please.
Vegeta- 350?! Dollars?! Surely, you speak in Canadian terms of money!
However, the checker was serious.
Vegeta- Damn! 350 bucks?! This thing had better do more than just play
SpaceStation One games and DVDs. It had better cook breakfast, give head and make me
transcend to GODHOOD!!!
Just as Vegeta was about to pay, a loud noise entered the building. It was
an intense explosion, followed by sounds of gunfire. A group of people in masks ran
through the store.
Man- Alright, this is a robbery! Everyone throw us your wallets and purses and no one gets
hurt!
Vegeta became enraged once again! His money belonged to no one! And since Kakarot
isnt around to handle this, or his foolish son Great Saiyaman, Vegeta
would have to take care of this. Vegeta allowed his anger to increase, and released the
anger to become a Super Saiyan. Vegeta floated down to the men, energy crackling all
around him.
Man- Alright, freak get back! Mr. Satan said on the news that you guys could do that
because of tricks and I aint scared of no weird lightshow.
Vegeta shook his head sadly at the poor fool and attacked the entire gang, decimating them
in mere seconds. However, the final goon unhooked a grenade and threw it to a floor of the
building. The grenade exploded, causing the floor to shake and become highly unstable.
Vegeta saw this and noticed the floor was full of children! The grenade had not harmed
them, but the supports were badly weakened. Vegeta flew to the bottom of the railing and
used his Super Saiyan strength to keep the floor from collapsing. However, even a Super
Saiyan has his limits and the floor was weakening too quickly. Vegeta would not be able to
hold it up much longer! Vegeta decided to make a dangerous gamble. He could power up to
Super Saiyan 2, however, the sudden increase in power could inadvertently cause the floor
to disintegrate. Vegeta gritted his teeth and prayed to whoever was listening to save
these children. Please...whoever is in charge of the lives of these children! Save
them from this disaster! Please, allow me to increase my strength without harming these
children! And if I should fail...let whomever is listening allow mercy to befall my
soul. Vegeta sighed and then let his anger truly explode. In a great explosion of
light and power, Vegeta reached his Level 2 of Super Saiyan strength. The great energy
crackled around him, creating tiny thunderbolts. Fortunately, whoever was listening to
Vegetas prayer, decided to act. You see, with Vegetas great aura surrounding
him, it created a huge net of ki energy, supporting the entire floor! The children safely
made it off the floor. Vegeta powered down, causing the floor to collapse. However,
everyone had safely moved away and no injuries were reported. Vegeta floated back to the
checkout counter. The evils of mankind manifested again, because while Vegeta was saving
lives, someone had run off with his SuperStation 2. Vegeta was filled with a great
sadness. His son would not receive the bright system for Christmas... Vegeta would not
know the joy of bringing a young boys dream true. Vegeta slowly walked away from the
counter and floated back to the ground floor of the store. People kept a healthy distance
from Vegeta
and his golden aura. Vegeta slowly walked away when a small voice called to him.
Voice- Hey mister!
Vegeta turned and saw a young girl, about Trunks age standing with her mother. One
of the children that Vegeta had saved.
Girl- Thank you!
Vegeta smiled a weary smile and flew away, leaving a small trail of golden energy behind
him. He felt like a loser, but in the eyes of that small girl, he was a miracle.
Girl- Mommy! Look! He really was an angel! I dont know where his wings were, but he
really was an angel!
Vegeta slowly flew home. He powered back down to non-Super Saiyan form and slowly went
into his house. He sat down on the couch, not really knowing what to do. He had failed in
his mission. Now he truly was a failure. His son would know of his fathers failure
and not even respect him any more. Perhaps he would even lose his love for his father, and
gain an intense hatred. Time passed by at a truly rapid pace. Vegeta began to dread the
daybreak. Soon, his son and Bulma would awaken and learn of his failure. Vegeta looked at
his hands. Hands capable of destroying entire planets with intense energy, and yet, they
could not hold on to a small box. He had the strength of a Super Saiyan, yet could not
gain his son a small gaming system. Slowly the day began to break. He began to hear the
sounds of Bulma and Trunks awakening. Soon, Vegeta would become the most hated man on the
planet. Bulma and Trunks both came down the stairs, but not with looks of anger, as Vegeta
had thought, but huge smiles! Trunks ran to his father and gave him a huge hug. Vegeta was
shocked by this and looked to Bulma. Bulma could only wear the largest smile on the earth.
Vegeta- But...I dont understand!
Trunks- Dad, your the greatest guy in the whole world!
Vegeta- But...but I didnt get you a present!
Trunks- Are you kidding me?! You got me the greatest present in the world!
Vegeta- I dont understand!
Bulma- We saw the news last night. It had footage of you saving all those children at the
store.
Trunks- Yeah! None of the people at schools dads can do that! Well, except
Gotens, but we can forgive that!
Vegeta- The SpaceStation2....?
Trunks- Oh, dad, you should know better than that! Thanks to mom, I can play the
SpaceStation 15 in Capsule Corp., because she just invented it!
And with that, Trunks ran off to play his SSX15.
Vegeta- I dont understand...I didnt get him a gift! He has no present!
Bulma- Oh, Vegeta...you have a heart of gold but not the brain to match. Dont you
get it? Christmas isnt about giving the best present. Its about giving a gift from
the heart, and you did that by saving those childrens lives! You sacrificed your own
well-being for them. And now, in your sons eyes, you are not just a father, but a
superhero! What could be a greater gift?
Vegeta- So...I did good then?
Bulma- Of course. You gave children the gift of life. You are a true SUPER Saiyan!
Vegeta- Wow. So this is what Christmas is all about.
Bulma- Of course. However, it doesnt hurt to get present also. And I think I gave
you your gift. Youll find it upstairs in the bedroom. Ill be wearing it.
Vegeta turned an intense shade of red as Bulma left. He hurried upstairs.
So, the moral of the story is, if you help people out, then you get free sex out of the
deal! No, wait, thats not it. Crap. Okay, the real moral of the story is that Christmas
isnt about getting or giving the best present, its about free sex. Hell, thats not
it either! I promise, third times a charm! Okay, the moral of the story is that Christmas
is about giving a gift from the heart and love is the greatest gift of all. Yeah, that
should do it.
No, wait, that is not the end. All good stories start out with Once upon a
time... and end with...
...and they all lived happily ever after. The End.