“Once upon a time...” By Underfaker

Christmas! Truly, the most enjoyable season of the year! Christmas lights, trees, stockings and the most important thing of all- PRESENTS! However, there was one man on the planet that didn’t like Christmas. His name was Vegeta. Mind you, Vegeta did not hate Christmas. Oh no, nothing of the sort. Just more...indifferent. Where he came from, they did not have Christmas. So all the joy of the season was lost upon him. He knew not of what it was, nor what is was intended for. His knowledge of it was very little. What he did know, was that the holiday was based upon the giving and receiving of presents and gifts. This made it seem very materialistic and that slightly angered Vegeta. Angered him to the point that he refused to participate in the holiday festivities. His family, would not stand for this. So, one foggy Christmas Eve, Bulma, delivered him an ultimatum.

Bulma- Vegeta, you will get off your lazy ass and go buy your son a Christmas present!

Vegeta- I will do no such thing! I refuse to participate in such a stupid holiday!

Bulma- Vegeta, I swear to heaven, if you do not do this, you will be CUT OFF!

Now, Vegeta is a mighty warrior. Perhaps the strongest in the universe, whatever your opinion might be. However, even Saiyans have needs that can only be fulfilled by a woman. And so, Vegeta, got up and put on his winter coat. He walked slowly to the door, as if this was his funeral march. However, Vegeta is still a warrior and made a last-ditch effort to get out of his errand.


Vegeta- But I don’t even know what the boy wants!

Bulma- Vegeta... it doesn’t matter what you get him. Just as long as it is a present that comes from the heart.

Vegeta then walked out the door. It was a cold night, with not a single cloud in the sky. The snow was falling gently, but at a steady pace. Steady enough to create a “fog” that was fairly thick. Vegeta walked to the store, trying to think of something to get his son. As a boy, Vegeta never really received presents from his own father. Of course, being the Prince of Planet Vegeta, he had riches and baubles that could not be found anywhere else. But a gift from the heart? This was foreign territory to Vegeta, so he decided to ask the only man on the planet that could identify with small children, mainly because he had the same intellect as them. He had to call on Kakarot. Vegeta found the nearest possible phone and called the idiot. However, an answering machine answered the phone. It was a short message, saying that Kakarot and his family had gone on a Christmas vacation to a warmer climate. Vegeta cursed the fool and released his anger by destroying the phone. Feeling a bit more satisfied, Vegeta then found his way to the nearest department store, where he found the biggest surprise of his life.

PEOPLE! Hundreds upon millions of people littered the store, doing what Bulma liked to call, “The Christmas Eve Rush.” “Damn that woman! She must have plotted this so that I would have to witness this madness!” But Vegeta steeled himself. “I am the Prince of Saiyans! I am a Super Saiyan! I can handle this!” Vegeta walked through the store, exulting pride and confidence. He was no longer Vegeta the husband, oh no! He was Vegeta the Prince! His air was of supreme dignity and pride. He walked through the store with a purpose- To find a present for his son. Vegeta found his way to the toy section, intending upon finding the perfect gift. Vegeta was faced with walls and walls of toys, games, dolls and other assorted...stuff. Vegeta looked at everything and began to wonder what to get his own son. A stray thought entered Vegeta’s mind- What would Kakarot buy? This gave Vegeta’s passion a fierce fire! Vegeta would buy a present that would outdo, nay, DWARF any present that Kakarot could manage! Vegeta would buy his son the most expensive toy in the entire store! Vegeta knew not what this toy could be, but he would soon find out. His keen Saiyan eyes found a pitiful looking stock boy. Vegeta walked over to the sickly-looking youth and spoke.

Vegeta- You! Tell me, what is the most expensive and most wanted toy in this entire godforsaken store?

Boy- Dude, are you nuts? Unless you have been living underneath a rock, you should know what it is.

Vegeta was angry now. He grabbed the youth by his scrawny neck and hoisted him a few inches off the ground.


Vegeta- Fool! I am Vegeta! Now unless you tell me what I want to know, I shall send your pathetic form away from me and into an extremely sturdy wall!

Boy- Okay, okay! You will want to buy the SpaceStation2! Its the most sought after video game system on the planet!

Vegeta- You have been extremely helpful.

Vegeta dropped the boy and walked to his ultimate goal. The SpaceStation2 was the ultimate gaming system, according to the boy. “Ha! Let Kakarot try to beat that one!” However, there seemed to be a human wall blocking Vegeta’s path. Dozens of parents, geeky teenagers and worthless “adults” were attempting to purchase this elusive Holy Grail. A few well-timed zanzokens later, and Vegeta was ahead of the mob. There, upon the shelf, lay the great system. Luckily, there was still one system left on the shelf. Vegeta laughed a mighty Saiyan laugh and grabbed the system! “Oh yes! This is indeed the Holy Grail! I can feel its immense power radiating from it! The boy may not receive this gift! Perhaps... this system will grant me the strength to finally destroy Kakarot!” Vegeta released another great laugh at his find. “This is more powerful than any form of Super Saiyan! This system will change me! No longer will I be Vegeta, Prince of Saiyans! I will become VEGETA THE GOD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” Vegeta was infected with an unknown disease at the time, but would later be identified as “SSX2 Disease”, causing the holder of the system to gain delusions of grandeur. Now as you and I both know, this is not the spirit of Christmas. So, Fate decided to enter the picture and show Vegeta the true meaning of Christmas.

Vegeta walked happily to the counter, prepared to make his fateful purchase. The checker told Vegeta, “350 dollars please.”

Vegeta- 350?! Dollars?! Surely, you speak in Canadian terms of money!

However, the checker was serious.

Vegeta- Damn! 350 bucks?! This thing had better do more than just play
SpaceStation One games and DVD’s. It had better cook breakfast, give head and make me transcend to GODHOOD!!!

Just as Vegeta was about to pay, a loud noise entered the building. It was
an intense explosion, followed by sounds of gunfire. A group of people in masks ran through the store.

Man- Alright, this is a robbery! Everyone throw us your wallets and purses and no one gets hurt!

Vegeta became enraged once again! His money belonged to no one! And since Kakarot isn’t around to handle this, or his foolish son “Great Saiyaman”, Vegeta would have to take care of this. Vegeta allowed his anger to increase, and released the anger to become a Super Saiyan. Vegeta floated down to the men, energy crackling all around him.

Man- Alright, freak get back! Mr. Satan said on the news that you guys could do that because of tricks and I ain’t scared of no weird lightshow.

Vegeta shook his head sadly at the poor fool and attacked the entire gang, decimating them in mere seconds. However, the final goon unhooked a grenade and threw it to a floor of the building. The grenade exploded, causing the floor to shake and become highly unstable. Vegeta saw this and noticed the floor was full of children! The grenade had not harmed them, but the supports were badly weakened. Vegeta flew to the bottom of the railing and used his Super Saiyan strength to keep the floor from collapsing. However, even a Super Saiyan has his limits and the floor was weakening too quickly. Vegeta would not be able to hold it up much longer! Vegeta decided to make a dangerous gamble. He could power up to Super Saiyan 2, however, the sudden increase in power could inadvertently cause the floor to disintegrate. Vegeta gritted his teeth and prayed to whoever was listening to save these children. “Please...whoever is in charge of the lives of these children! Save them from this disaster! Please, allow me to increase my strength without harming these children! And if I should fail...let whomever is listening allow mercy to befall my soul.” Vegeta sighed and then let his anger truly explode. In a great explosion of light and power, Vegeta reached his Level 2 of Super Saiyan strength. The great energy crackled around him, creating tiny thunderbolts. Fortunately, whoever was listening to Vegeta’s prayer, decided to act. You see, with Vegeta’s great aura surrounding him, it created a huge net of ki energy, supporting the entire floor! The children safely made it off the floor. Vegeta powered down, causing the floor to collapse. However, everyone had safely moved away and no injuries were reported. Vegeta floated back to the checkout counter. The evils of mankind manifested again, because while Vegeta was saving lives, someone had run off with his SuperStation 2. Vegeta was filled with a great sadness. His son would not receive the bright system for Christmas... Vegeta would not know the joy of bringing a young boy’s dream true. Vegeta slowly walked away from the counter and floated back to the ground floor of the store. People kept a healthy distance from Vegeta
and his golden aura. Vegeta slowly walked away when a small voice called to him.

Voice- Hey mister!

Vegeta turned and saw a young girl, about Trunk’s age standing with her mother. One of the children that Vegeta had saved.

Girl- Thank you!

Vegeta smiled a weary smile and flew away, leaving a small trail of golden energy behind him. He felt like a loser, but in the eyes of that small girl, he was a miracle.

Girl- Mommy! Look! He really was an angel! I don’t know where his wings were, but he really was an angel!

Vegeta slowly flew home. He powered back down to non-Super Saiyan form and slowly went into his house. He sat down on the couch, not really knowing what to do. He had failed in his mission. Now he truly was a failure. His son would know of his father’s failure and not even respect him any more. Perhaps he would even lose his love for his father, and gain an intense hatred. Time passed by at a truly rapid pace. Vegeta began to dread the daybreak. Soon, his son and Bulma would awaken and learn of his failure. Vegeta looked at his hands. Hands capable of destroying entire planets with intense energy, and yet, they could not hold on to a small box. He had the strength of a Super Saiyan, yet could not gain his son a small gaming system. Slowly the day began to break. He began to hear the sounds of Bulma and Trunks awakening. Soon, Vegeta would become the most hated man on the planet. Bulma and Trunks both came down the stairs, but not with looks of anger, as Vegeta had thought, but huge smiles! Trunks ran to his father and gave him a huge hug. Vegeta was shocked by this and looked to Bulma. Bulma could only wear the largest smile on the earth.

Vegeta- But...I don’t understand!

Trunks- Dad, your the greatest guy in the whole world!

Vegeta- But...but I didn’t get you a present!

Trunks- Are you kidding me?! You got me the greatest present in the world!

Vegeta- I don’t understand!

Bulma- We saw the news last night. It had footage of you saving all those children at the store.

Trunks- Yeah! None of the people at schools dad’s can do that! Well, except Goten’s, but we can forgive that!

Vegeta- The SpaceStation2....?

Trunks- Oh, dad, you should know better than that! Thanks to mom, I can play the SpaceStation 15 in Capsule Corp., because she just invented it!

And with that, Trunks ran off to play his SSX15.

Vegeta- I don’t understand...I didn’t get him a gift! He has no present!

Bulma- Oh, Vegeta...you have a heart of gold but not the brain to match. Don’t you get it? Christmas isn’t about giving the best present. Its about giving a gift from the heart, and you did that by saving those children’s lives! You sacrificed your own well-being for them. And now, in your son’s eyes, you are not just a father, but a superhero! What could be a greater gift?

Vegeta- So...I did good then?

Bulma- Of course. You gave children the gift of life. You are a true SUPER Saiyan!

Vegeta- Wow. So this is what Christmas is all about.

Bulma- Of course. However, it doesn’t hurt to get present also. And I think I gave you your gift. You’ll find it upstairs in the bedroom. I’ll be wearing it.

Vegeta turned an intense shade of red as Bulma left. He hurried upstairs.

So, the moral of the story is, if you help people out, then you get free sex out of the deal! No, wait, thats not it. Crap. Okay, the real moral of the story is that Christmas isn’t about getting or giving the best present, its about free sex. Hell, thats not it either! I promise, third times a charm! Okay, the moral of the story is that Christmas is about giving a gift from the heart and love is the greatest gift of all. Yeah, that should do it.

No, wait, that is not the end. All good stories start out with “Once upon a time...” and end with...

“...and they all lived happily ever after. The End.”